Chocobo Troubles
by Rebehm
Summary: For a certain former Soldier First Class, Yuffie plus materia equals trouble. :


Chocobo Troubles

By Rebehm

Author Note:

Okay, I admit it. I like to make bad guys look completely foolish and to turn concepts on their heads. Enjoy!  
>-<p>

There are times when life just doesn't go according to plan. So it was for a certain former commander. For miles, the animals fled from his path… or he wished. His long silvery mane swished behind him as he stomped on his way down the dusty road.

Sephiroth angrily kicked a tree when he paused for rest. The shock of his boot on the trunk knocked a bird down, the poor thing, flapping wildly, landed in his hair. He roared and swatted at the bird trying to dislodge it.

After picking a few feathers out of his hair, Sephiroth looked at his reflection in a pool of water and grimaced. His formerly sleek mane now looked like he had dragged it through briars and argued with a passing lightning bolt. He cursed Cloud for his predicament and the whole planet for mocking him.

It began to rain. Slowly, then faster and faster the raindrops fell. He scrambled under a spreading oak beside the rock wall and shivered. He leaned back on the massive trunk and squeezed the water out of his long hair.

He reminded himself that he was very near his goal: the road Cloud often traveled when he made deliveries. A diabolical grin spread across his delicate features when he thought about what he was about to do to Cloud for making him lose everything.

Little did he know that Yuffie Kisaragi, led by a local rumor of materia guarded by fierce dragons, was tracking his progress in the woods. She had just gotten it and was admiring its verdant depths when a loud thump up the road jolted her.

"Did I miss one?" she sighed before following the noise. 

Light rustling of leaves and sighing wind announced the arrival of a storm.

Soft giggling drifted from the branches high above him.

"Oh great," he growled. Sephiroth drew his sword and swung at the tree. At first, it looked like he had missed. As the tree slid and fell, Yuffie gracefully leapt from a high branch to a mossy boulder. He sprang at her.

She tutted at him from her perch before holding out a piece of materia and chanting softly.

Suddenly, his arms shortened. His powerful torso twisted as if sculpted by some unseen hand. He glanced at his feet and howled when bird claws burst through the carefully polished leather…

A heavy muffled thump on the forest floor announced that, once again, his plot was foiled.

Yuffie hopped down from the boulder to examine her handiwork. She laughed. At her feet lay a large, fluffy, and improbably cute white chocobo sprawled on fallen leaves and shreds of black leather. The dizzy bird curled up.

She cautiously leaned forward and put her hand on his feathery side. He chirruped softly before snuggling deeper into his plumage. Yuffie carefully withdrew her cell phone from her backpack.

When he woke, he found he'd curled himself into a warm feathery ball. "Such a nice way to wake up", he thought to himself sleepily, "Maybe being a bird isn't so bad." … before he saw Yuffie grinning at him from his back. "You-!" He lifted his head and warked sharply at her. Yuffie snapped, "Watch your language, birdbrain!" Sephiroth cocked his head to one side and gave her a dizzy but insolent look.

Yuffie clapped her hand to her mouth and giggled harder. Sephiroth puffed up his long plumage. Needless to say, it did not have the desired effect on Yuffie. It's hard to look tough when you look like a pompom.  
>He scowled when she fell over from laughing so hard. Eventually, she stood up and remarked, "Who knew you'd make a really cute chocobo! At least you can't do much harm shaped like that. I better tell the others-" The birdman snuffled plaintively at the leaves around him and froze. A sweet and beguilingly spicy scent filled his nostrils. The fallen leaves that had served as his bed crackled as he eagerly scrambled to his feet and lurched out of the thicket. Yuffie turned when she saw him. "Aww, now I have to find him again." Yuffie groaned before running after him.<p>

Cloud was not far away. He knelt beside his motorcycle and examined the flat tire, the second one he'd gotten that day. Cloud fished the sharp rock out, sat back on his heels, and sighed before reluctantly pulling some greens out of his pack. Most of the chocobos in this place were spindly creatures; even though he knew they were strong, he always felt guilty when he had to ride one.

He stepped away from the vegetables and slipped behind an outcrop.

He couldn't believe his eyes when the magnificent bird lurched out of the woods and devoured the greens he'd put down. This beast looked as though he had strayed from a racing stable. His silvery feathers gleamed in the afternoon sun. He swayed as though he were dancing to some unheard melody.

Cloud cautiously rose from his hiding place. He edged toward the hungry bird. The chocobo fidgeted. Cloud paused and gazed into the big bird's eyes. They were bright and tinged with an eerily familiar shade of green. The chocobo abruptly lifted his head, clacked his beak… and resumed eating.

"Okay, so this bird wasn't a racing chocobo. Maybe he belonged to a SOLDIER?" Cloud wondered.

While the chocobo greedily ate, Cloud slipped a makeshift bridle on him and swung himself onto the bird's powerful back. Sephiroth started at the weight of his rider. "Hey, what're you doin'? Get off my baaaaaack!", he howled as he twisted, bucked, and wheeled around the clearing to throw Cloud. All Cloud heard was indignant warking.

A distance away, Yuffie heard the bird's tantrum and ran toward the racket. Deep gouges in the muddy path showed his progress down the road.

She rounded a bend in time to see Cloud bobbing up and down, hanging on to the furious bird for dear life. Suddenly, Sephiroth quit trying to dislodge Cloud. Cloud tightened his grip, and looked up to see where his mount was glaring. White plumage fluffed. "Oh no…" Cloud breathed.

Yuffie fidgeted and gulped.

He squawked - if he'd been humanoid, it would have been a mighty bellow - "YOU…!" and charged. Cloud yanked on the reins trying to restrain the irate bird, so hard Sephiroth's beak pressed into his fluffy white chest. He sat down sharply. Yuffie jumped out of harm's way.

"Yuffie, how did you tick off this bird?"  
>She held out her materia and chanted.<br>Sephiroth sprang at her…  
>"Waaaaaarrrrrrkkkkoomphh!"<br>Cloud found himself sitting on a very disoriented Sephiroth. The ex-SOLDIER, muttering darkly under his breath, lifted his head and tried to rise. Cloud clocked him.  
>"Yuffie, what's going on here? How did he become a chocobo in the first place? "<br>Yuffie waved the materia at him.  
>"Oh."<br>"Yeah, I had just gotten this thing when he was kicking trees. It sounded like a dragon throwing a tantrum so I checked it out and there he was."  
>"Where was he?" Cloud asked.<p>

"He was near the pass," Yuffie shrugged. Cloud blanched a little. "Sounds like he was setting up an ambush. Thank you for stopping him."  
>"Hey, can I show you how this thing works?" Yuffie gave him puppy eyes. "Uh, Yuffie…" Cloud sweated a little. " 'Kay thanks!" She beamed and turned the crazy swordsman back into a chocobo. <p>

Cloud turned and called the WRO. An hour later, Vincent and Barret arrived with the crew. Several men heaved the trussed bird into the truck. Barret turned to them. "Yo, Cloud, where's the planet killer?" Cloud gestured to the truck. "What? You CAN'T mean that overgrown chicken… wait, you do?" Yuffie grinned. Barret glanced at her and shook his head. "Ya know what? I'm not gonna ask."


End file.
